its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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