After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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