no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.