i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.