wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.