Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet