4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.