I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex