Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
