Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
