the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
