And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
