I want to walk on stilts...naked
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
