I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
