what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
