Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
