I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
