It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
