i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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