I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My penis needs a shock collar
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
