you would pick up someone in the library
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just blew my weed a kiss
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I love you.
Bad choice
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
