I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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