Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
