after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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