I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
