How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
