I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
