No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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