I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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