and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
