remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
