I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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