Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
