oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
