We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
