I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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