shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
