pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
