i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
