I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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