Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
