Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He passed out mid-signature
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
