Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
