I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
false alarm, still single
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
