I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
