***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
