I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
