Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
