Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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