take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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