Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
