She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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