She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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