I faked an abortion last night.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
