can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
