im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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