Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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