So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
