Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
