I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
