Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
