make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
