If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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