I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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