i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
