I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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