i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
