Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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