My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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