Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
