Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
