you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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