Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
