I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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