Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
