I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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