If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am one with the molecules
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
